04.28.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 5:34 pm by Athena
Today was my last day at work. I thought I would be fine but at 10 am I just popped and started crying at my desk.
It was almost five weeks ago that I put my notice in. That morning I came back to my desk, my knees shaking, sweaty palms and sat down thinking “What have I just done. I just quit my job!”
I was more excited than sad – more terrified than excited, then suddenly it hit me.
I just quit my job. I would miss it.
I started bawling. Later as my boss came walking through the lobby and saw my red face and swollen eyes he asked incredulously “Are you CRYING?”
I nodded and sniffed.
“There’s no crying in baseball!” he said throwing up his arms.
This month has been full of endings. Cycles are closing, circles rolling on to new patterns, the same and yet different than they were just a month ago.
A year ago I didn’t think I would ever feel safe again. I didn’t believe I would smile again, much less ever laugh. I didn’t think I would ever feel safe, or strong again. Now I’m willingly stepping away from the little nook I’ve carved over the last year. I’m walking away from school, a safe job, a cute little cottage in the trees and a city I adore. I’m saying goodbye to friends – coworkers, and neighbors and striking off into the unknown.
But it’s time. The music is harmonic, the chord struck and the measure for my rest is over – Today is the beginning of my new life.
Phase 1 – Survival : Complete
Phase 2 – Thrival : Now Commencing
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04.25.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:44 pm by Athena
A few months ago as I was driving home from work in my big black monster of a jeep, I heard the Indiana Jones Theme song in my head. I thought perhaps it was because I was considering this grand adventure and my brain said, “Cue music!”
For days, I’d hear – Dahda DAH, da da DA, Dahda DAH, da da DA DA DAH.
I heard it at work, and would occasionally catch myself singing it in the copy room.
Finally I broke down and bought the DVD’s and the soundtrack. Yes, I even bought a hat and drove around yelling the theme song off key because my big black monster of a jeep didn’t have a stereo.
Saturday, after I’d been researching jeeps, loans and charting my way across the west coast I decided that I needed a vehicle that wouldn’t potentially dump me in the desert or leave me stranded in Florida. After much agonizing I woke up that morning and just knew it was the day.
It took a grand total of 5 hours and a lot of paper signing. I’m the owner of a 2004 cherry red jeep wrangler from Gresham Chrysler-Jeep. The salesman, Gabriel, was a rookie and adorable to boot. So I went in feeling like “Great- a dealership – I’m so totally gonna get screwed.” And left thinking, “I just got screwed and hey, it was actually kind of fun.”
All in all for a woman walking in there, I was treated well and thought I held my own pretty good (if I didn’t don’t tell me, let me enjoy the illusion).
I traded in Artemis. I didn’t think they’d take her and I wasn’t prepared so I started crying. The sales guy told me not to worry, “Women cry about their trade ins all the time.”
Gee, I felt so much better. Except this new jeep is so – so –girly. It looks like something Barbie would drive, but it it has a warranty so the look can be fixed.
So, that was Saturday. You can see pictures on my flickr site – (photo button on the right). Sunday I went out to Multnomah falls and Horsetail falls with Sondra. We put the top down and let the wind whip through our hair, well, over my scalp anyway.
Last night on my way to class, it was starting to sink in. I plugged in my Indiana Jones CD and turned up the stereo. Oh so much better than singing it. I opened the windows and put one arm out and sat at the stop light –
I looked around going, “Hey, how you doin.”
I nodded my head to the guy in the truck in my right. Feelin cool I turned the bass up more and bobbed my chin “I’m so hot,”
Dahda DAH, da da DA, Dahda DAH, da da DA DA DAH.
The light turned green. I pulled my little girly jeep into the intersection and let off the clutch too fast shifting. And stalled. Yes, I stalled my Barbie jeep.
Dahda DAH, da da DA, - - -
The music stopped, I restarted – ground gears and face blazing I sped off.
Dahda DAH, da da DA DA DAH.
Here’s to adventure - Cue the music please.
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