So far the responses have gone from being a fabulous conversation piece to people trying hard not to make eye contact. There’ve been a few triple takes and one or two people staring, but honestly, the majority of people want to start chatting right away. There is no shortage of bald jokes coming at me. Strange how people can joke about baldness, normally a very sensitive topic to a lot of people, to me, a woman. Quite frankly, it’s fascinating.
One of the guys I work with brings it up every time he passes through the room. Asking last night if my father knew I shaved my head. I replied that my dad was still perhaps a little sore with me over the fact that I dropped my maiden name at court last month. So legally, I have no last name.
He looked horrified.
I said, “So perhaps I’ll wait to drop the shaved-my-head-bomb.”
“What are you doing to your poor father?” he asked. “You’re probably driving him crazy.”
I’m not sure if he was teasing me, or maybe a little terrified at the possibility that his three young daughters will grow up to devastate him with shaved heads, tattoos and the trashing of maiden names, but I replied with a very un-ladylike snort. “I’m a daddy’s girl. It’s in my contract.”
I love you Dad. By the way, now that I’m bald, I see more of the family resemblance. I can also see now, what you mean when you say you can’t think cuz your brain is cold. I hereby apologize for any unflattering comparisons I’ve ever made between your bald head and primates. I also apologize for all the comments about sun glare, shine, or generalizations of any uncharitable sort pertaining to your age and lack of hair. I love you Dad. Last name or not, I’m still your little girl, and you’re still my Father.
Funny, as I sit here writing this the guy from my office came back in to chat. I said I was writing a letter to my dad. And he said, “The worst thing you could have done to him is drop your name.”
I can’t explain why, but this was a gut punch. I have no desire to hurt my dad. He went on to explain “as a father” that my dad would have been hurt because my name shows I belong to someone.
“But I don’t belong to anyone. I’m almost 30. I belong to myself.”
“Of course, but as a father you think, “If you’re not going to have someone else’s name, keep mine.””
“Is it a protective thing?” I asked. “Like an umbrella, a name?”
“Yes, and no. I’m just saying as a father.”
“I appreciate that. It’s good to know.”
While the conversation was much longer and filled with a couple of emotional moments, I can’t help but wonder if my decision to find my own place in this world, and my own name… has more of an emotional backlash for my family than I first thought. And believe me, I thought a lot before I made the decision.
If you’re reading this and have an opinion or a comment on the matter, I would dearly love to know. I’d like to hear the woman’s perspective and the man’s perspective so please feel free to leave a comment on what you would do if your daughter were to drop her maiden name.
[...] And Dom, for your reference here are the links about my mononame status – here and here. [...]