04.28.06
Phase 1 Complete
Today was my last day at work. I thought I would be fine but at 10 am I just popped and started crying at my desk.
It was almost five weeks ago that I put my notice in. That morning I came back to my desk, my knees shaking, sweaty palms and sat down thinking “What have I just done. I just quit my job!”
I was more excited than sad – more terrified than excited, then suddenly it hit me.
I just quit my job. I would miss it.
I started bawling. Later as my boss came walking through the lobby and saw my red face and swollen eyes he asked incredulously “Are you CRYING?”
I nodded and sniffed.
“There’s no crying in baseball!” he said throwing up his arms.
This month has been full of endings. Cycles are closing, circles rolling on to new patterns, the same and yet different than they were just a month ago.
A year ago I didn’t think I would ever feel safe again. I didn’t believe I would smile again, much less ever laugh. I didn’t think I would ever feel safe, or strong again. Now I’m willingly stepping away from the little nook I’ve carved over the last year. I’m walking away from school, a safe job, a cute little cottage in the trees and a city I adore. I’m saying goodbye to friends – coworkers, and neighbors and striking off into the unknown.
But it’s time. The music is harmonic, the chord struck and the measure for my rest is over – Today is the beginning of my new life.
Phase 1 – Survival : Complete
Phase 2 – Thrival : Now Commencing
nabikineum said,
April 29, 2006 at 9:19 am
When I quit it was more a “I can’t take it anymore.” I didn’t feel bad not giving much notice, as they had just fired (”Laid off”) a bunch without notice a month or so before.
Anyway, not important. I did find myself crying in the ladies’ room shortly after. Relief, fear, disbelief… I knew I’d did something healthy for me, but it was still so weird.
Kungfukitten said,
April 30, 2006 at 1:18 am
You’re on the right path. Trust in yourself!
Administrator said,
May 1, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Thanks Kitten. I needed that .:)