01.29.07
Not Nobody
As you walk the streets at Sundance, people scan your face to see if you’re famous. They give you the once over sometimes the twice over before their eyes register with absolute disinterest that you are a NOBODY.
Once, when I was there, I was striding up the sidewalk and looked up in time to see a paparazzo make eye contact with me, yank his camera to his face, adjust the lens and for a moment – to my utter embarrassment I felt, important. I even smiled. His arms lowered and he flashed me a look that was utter disgust, “oh” he mumbled “She’s no one.”
My smile faded and I was left with this sudden understanding. I walked faster to get away from the waves of disappointment that wafted off him even as he scanned the crowd for someone famous.
Celebrity is so subjective. Why have we converged on Park City for Sundance in droves? Sure, a third of the people live and work here. Another portion are here for the movies and the skiing, but let’s be honest – most of the people who converge on this frozen bump in the woods are looking for Celebrities.
Am I an exception to the rule – Hell no! But it certainly brings to light an interesting facet of my character. I’ve met “famous” people. I was even invited to a movie star’s trailer when I was 14 (by a lecherous old fart). I was star struck once, by my favorite author, Jacqueline Carey and until then I never thought I was capable of such unintelligent drivel as what babbled out of my mouth when I stood in front of her.
As I hurried away from the photographer I suddenly understood I was not so much hurt by his response to my being a nobody, but by my own response to him because I thought of myself as a nobody. I had allowed my own sense of worth, importance and my value to be judged in my own mind by the worth I imbue in people we call celebrities. And my response that I’d felt important for that blink was a fairly decent indicator that I secretly must need someone else to tell me I’m worth something. Not just anyone, but the scum who hunts people down with a camera, the guy who surprises people on the toilet with his camera, the guy who gets paid to steal the privacy of others and make his living being in the face of people who just want to be left alone – for that instant – I let HIM define my value, and I was horrified by it.
I need to think about this response some more – but it brought to light an interesting portrait of myself that I’m not happy with and I would like to fix.
Mona said,
January 29, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Sure. But on the plus side … at first glance this scum thought you looked like a celeb., which speaks volumes for the confidence with which you carry yourself and your stunning good looks. Maybe it is a little shallow, but it is also kind of nifty.
Kungfukitten said,
January 30, 2007 at 2:52 am
You should have punched him and screamed at him for invading your privacy anyway.
golfwidow said,
January 30, 2007 at 4:59 am
The fact that you’re not a celebrity is a bummer for a paparazzo for two reasons: one, he can’t sell your picture to anyone, and two, he is liable for invading your privacy if you’re not a celebrity. It was nasty of him to take his frustration out on you just because he can’t tell the difference between someone who’s naturally stellar and someone who pays a stylist for the same effect, but he has his own issues. The difference between you and him is that you can make more money out of your being “a nobody” than he can.
Jeffy said,
January 30, 2007 at 10:40 am
I bet if you had tried to cover your face or block his shot instead of smiling he would have taken the picture
You didn’t react like a celeb 
Athena said,
January 30, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Hey Mona! How you doing Darling?
Awwwww.
Thanks for saying so. I hadn’t thought of that - Thanks Sweety!
Athena said,
January 30, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Damnit, KFK! I wish I would have thought of that. I was too busy letting my self pity run amok! I’ll get him next time.
Athena said,
January 30, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Thanks Golfwidow. I understand it’s just a job for him. What kind of freaks me out is that I know that - and I still let it sting. I feel like an idiot. but there you have it - it’s just a job to him.
Thanks.
Athena said,
January 30, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Jeffy, I’ll try and remember that next time. And demand green m&m’s ONLY green ones. Then stomp around and screech that the girl in front of me coppied my look, then insist on a limo-press agent - and bottled water….
Think it’ll work?
:)
Sondra said,
February 1, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Um, yeah, exactly what Mona said is what I was thinking. You have “It” babe!
I just saw Bellydance Superstars last night. It was too cool for words. How about a night of dinner, bellydancing and fending off the dancers (for you ha ha) when you get here? Not at the same restaraunt.
Sondra
Athena said,
February 1, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Sondra, I’d love a night out bellydancing!!! Just get my back for me right?
And Thank you for the compliment
Love you girly!