03.29.07
Ahhhhhh!
I went in to my bank yesterday to update my address and get my accounts all organized when my teller lady offers me a new sort of overflow thingy. I think, sure, why not, and she signs me up.
Then this morning as I’m about to get on the max with St. Mary to go downtown for her haircut, I get a call from the bank lady who says, “I’m sorry to bother you I should have double checked this yesterday, but it seems we can’t process your paperwork without your full name.”
Oh-My-God-I’m-Back-to-this…?
“Athena is my full name. I legally don’t have a last name.”
“Well, it just that we can’t process your new credit limit without a last name.”
Okay. Okay. Okay. Don’t freak out on the poor lady just because she’s the last one in a string of people at this particular bank to go all “you can’t be official without a last name” on you. Breathe.
“I’ve been over this so many times with you guys I’m getting really tired. Call the manager at X-Branch because I’m sure he’s sick of me by now and all the rude things I’ve said trying to get this sorted out. He’ll know I’m for real.”
“I don’t think he manages that branch anymore.”
“Ask the tellers if they remember a lady who came in with a pocketful of credit card shards and a fat legal file of paperwork proving I can exist with one name.”
“I’ll see what I can do, but it would help if you could bring your paperwork here or fax it to me.”
“I showed you my license yesterday, and my social security card has only one name on it. That technically should be enough to prove my case –because I no longer carry around the giant stack of paperwork from the courthouse.”
“Could you just fax me- –“
“No. I can’t. My paperwork is in storage. The documentation from the court is in storage and my current documentation ie. License and social security are my OFFICIAL DOCUMENTATION.”
“I’ll see what I can do and then I’ll get back to you.”
I stood on the platform next to St. Mary – fuming! Ranting about how this is such a stupid and ridiculous hassle. Why can’t people just – I dunno – figure it out?
“Why don’t you just pick a last name?” She asked.
“Because, I shouldn’t have to. It’s all about me, right? The world should just fix the computer programs so I can have the name I want. Meh. Me. Me. Me.” It’s hard to stay angry when St. Mary looks at you with her snarky smile and curly cue hair.
“I think you should have the last name, Fuck-Ya’ll-Mother Fuckers. It has a nice ring to it. Hi, I’m Athena Fuck-Ya’ll-Mother Fuckers.”
“Now that’s documentation I’d be happy to fax.”
Jessie J said,
March 29, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Not to laugh at your expense but that was funny and I needed a good chuckle. In my opinion if I look at someone’s license and social security card and their name is just their first so be it, or Pink or Lil Kim, people do change their names legally after all. I am not a lawyer or judge and don’t know what the rules are and certainly no tarded bank teller is going to know anymore than me and shouldn’t argue something she doesn’t lol. You are the first person I know minus a last name but really you def. should have one, your friend’s suggestions was PERFECT lol. Imagine the Girl Scout selling cookies to you
Ms. Athena Fuck-Ya’ll-Mother Fuckers I have you down for two boxes of Samoas. Thank you.
dom said,
March 29, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Wait, what? Can you point me to the entry that explains how you don’t have a last name? I’ve never heard of it.
Athena said,
March 30, 2007 at 11:06 am
Oh my god Jessie, that kills me. I’d LOVE to be the lady on the block freaking all the kiddies out with my last name. That’s awesome!
I’m thinking this new plan is a good one…. hmmmm.
Athena said,
March 30, 2007 at 11:07 am
Hey, dom. I’ll post the entried for you on the next blog.