Archive for May 4th, 2007

Nicolas,

I need you.

I’m tone-deaf to the music today, and my arms are hollow. 

I’ve tried so hard never to ask.  Worked so hard to be independent, struggled to be free.

I drove thousands of miles in search of strength, wandered for months to discover grace and wisdom and self-reliance.  I managed to face my worst demons and come out standing. Shaky, but standing on my own.

If you are real, if I didn’t imagine you … then you know it’s not lightly that I ask.

Please, tell me that the sky is truly blue.  Perhaps azure or topaz.  Just for tonight.

I will make up my own mind in the morning.  I may say it is opal, or claim it is all-together a watery tourmaline.  But just for tonight, in my dreams, may I rest on your conviction that all is as it should be?

When I wake I know you’ll be gone again, lost somewhere in the hazy midway of subconscious.  I will dress and live and be as strong and independent as I was - but rested from the weight of wondering for one night.

It is not usually in me to ask, but can you hold me this night, my body and my worries because somehow, I am too heavy for myself alone.

Just tonight, and I will endeavor never to ask again. Just tonight.

Okay, yesterday’s blog was a little too cheerleadery even for me. So here’s the latest development.

When I told my EditorExtraordinaire I was considering moving to LA, she told me she’d see if she could get me a writing contract for Pasadena and surrounding areas.  I put that information in the back of my mind for consideration and went to see the Fire Dancers show at Dante’s on Sunday night. 

While I was there, a curious turn of circumstances put a guy at my table who mentioned he was from LA. So I picked his brain a little to see what types of things there were to do and what I might find.  He was very adamant that the only cool people were the “real locals” and not the “imports”, and just as a matter of interest said, “there’s a lot of dark history, lots of hauntings.”

Interesting. Again, I put the strange coincidence at the back of my mind and went on with my week.

Two days later, I was sitting at Chance of Rain when a good looking thirty-something guy in a pea-coat with the most spectacular blue eyes walks in.  He made eye contact with me once then went to get a beer and came back to my table asking to sit down.  Hot guy asks to sit at my table? Uh, yeah, weird. So I nod and he sits and begins to tell me in an adorable Russian accent that he’s from LA. Wow!

Okay, Universe, I’m listening. What’s up?

He then tells me – with no prompting what-so-ever – that he used to work as a haunted tour guide on Hollywood Blvd.

WTF?

That’s so awesome. So he gives me 8 places to check out, a couple of personal accounts and his phone number (in case I have questions, because he was wearing a ring).

This, cluster of unexplainable coincidence left me a little dazed.  The combination of deciding I need to go to LA to finish the dream, the random strangers with bizarre and valuable information, besides the possibility of a book contract that could give me other “valid” pursuits only 40 minutes from LA… put me right back on the computer to email my EditorExtraordinaire to let her know, I was officially interested in the contract.

She wrote me yesterday and said it was approved – if I want it.

It will take a month or more to work out details, pre-research market possibilities and so on, but it’s mine if I want it.

I have no idea how I’ll make this work.  Any of it. And yet I’m filled with the same kind of skittish excitement and dizzy with the mass of possibilities that I felt when I was trying to decide if I should go on the BlissQuest.

Again, the writing contract was what gave me the courage to jump, to make a flying leap into the absolute unknown.  A magic feather, enabling me to trip over coincidences, get caught in whirlpools of synchronicity, almost freakishly well timed.

The opportunity has presented itself – so I think I’ll take it.