05.04.07

Just for tonight

Posted in Emotions, Letters to Nicolas at 9:17 pm by Athena

Nicolas,

I need you.

I’m tone-deaf to the music today, and my arms are hollow. 

I’ve tried so hard never to ask.  Worked so hard to be independent, struggled to be free.

I drove thousands of miles in search of strength, wandered for months to discover grace and wisdom and self-reliance.  I managed to face my worst demons and come out standing. Shaky, but standing on my own.

If you are real, if I didn’t imagine you … then you know it’s not lightly that I ask.

Please, tell me that the sky is truly blue.  Perhaps azure or topaz.  Just for tonight.

I will make up my own mind in the morning.  I may say it is opal, or claim it is all-together a watery tourmaline.  But just for tonight, in my dreams, may I rest on your conviction that all is as it should be?

When I wake I know you’ll be gone again, lost somewhere in the hazy midway of subconscious.  I will dress and live and be as strong and independent as I was - but rested from the weight of wondering for one night.

It is not usually in me to ask, but can you hold me this night, my body and my worries because somehow, I am too heavy for myself alone.

Just tonight, and I will endeavor never to ask again. Just tonight.

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