05.31.07
Boop takes a beating
There are some people who can’t be still. The Movers. They are sometimes spotted because they bounce a leg, or shuffle their feet. Then there are more extreme cases where they can’t sit for more than a few minutes, or they need to do cartwheels or yoga poses in the line at the grocery store.
On Monday while sitting at Backspace with Sky, I watched two guys come in and order drinks. It became quickly apparent why one man ordered coffee and the other didn’t. They guy who ordered an Americano needed something to help him keep up with his friend who decided that since Backspace has a fairly open floor plan he’d do a handstand, then a cartwheel then tried a round-off which landed him squarely on his ass on the pavement… but that didn’t stop him from climbing on the railing at the entrance and smacking his noodle on the advertisement board. Dude #2 finally got his drink and with an audible sigh followed his Mover-friend (who is vigorously rubbing his head) outside.
When I’m in a Mover’s space I have to fight the urge to try to keep their speed. I’m not built like that. I’m okay to just sit – chill – take it in.
Last night at Poi, I was in the park and this guy named Fidgety (he’s a cutie) comes and sits next to me on the grass where I’m reclining. I loved watching the poi spinners and the staff twirlers and feeling the grass under my feet where I laid on my back propped up by my elbows. I wasn’t watching Fidgety to my right as we talked and there was a lull in the conversation as I was particularly amazed by someone doing a corkscrew trick with the poi – when suddenly – two legs and 140lbs of man lands on my left boob.
“Ah! Right in the knockers!” I wheezed and rolled over on my side to shield my breasts and clutch them going, “OHMYGODITHINKYOUBROKEMYTITTY!”
Fidgety scrambled in embarrassment and fell over himself trying to explain he was trying to go from a sitting position to a backward handstand while we were talking, and he fell over – on my girls.
Of course if I wasn’t so engrossed in the poi and dancers I would have seen the fidget signs beginning and I’d have made my tactful retreat out of the reach of a Mover.
I did a quick check and my left breast was fine, nipple and piercing intact - aside from the ache of a good kick in the chest, everything seemed to be okay. Well, except for Fidgety whose face was aflame and he couldn’t stop babbling so I interrupted…
“Honey, I don’t mind if you want to hit on me, okay? But please stop kicking me in my boobs.”
The whole rest of the night he hung out on the other side of the group. As we were leaving I fought back the urge to say, “See you next Tuesday! Maybe you can get my right side and even things out.” (her name is Betty)
I guess I’ll never be able to relate to the Movers. Constantly in motion. But I will at least try to stay out of their way, because I’ve never met a Mover who hasn’t regularly staggered, stumbled, tripped, knocked over, landed on, broken, skinned, banged or bruised themselves or the person unfortunate enough to be sitting nearby.
I’m happy to report that Betty and Boop are doing just fine, Jeffy – aside from a little swelling….
Jeff said,
May 31, 2007 at 5:24 pm
After reading that I also have a bit of swelling.
Athena said,
May 31, 2007 at 5:43 pm
I hope it’s not from being kicked….
XOXO
Jeff said,
May 31, 2007 at 5:49 pm
:)
Jessie said,
June 1, 2007 at 7:04 am
Owies! It hurts sooo bad to be kicked in the boobs. Makes me think I know what a guy feels like when he gets kicked in the balls!
My mom dropped a box once and the corner of it hit her in the boob and a month later a lump developed in the exact spot she got hit in and they had to remove it. So check on your boobs!
Sympathetic pat for Boop lol.
The AK Guy said,
June 1, 2007 at 10:09 am
I took a racquetball racket (swung at full speed) to the “no-no place” (the side/edge of the racket, too).
I fell to the floor and spent a 1/2 second trying to decide if I should stop breathing, cry or throw up.
After 15 minutes of trying to avoid all three (some unsuccessfully), I managed to stand and keep playing.
Within 5 minutes, one of those little blue rubber bastards hit my other nut. I’m still a little ashamed it took that long to realize I should have learned my lesson after the first high speed encounter.
In my 20-whatever year life (up to that point) I’d get quite upset when something cold was applied to my nuts (well, that entire area). That night, I sighed contentedly as I settled on a cold pack and watched my wife stare at me with the “What the hell did I marry?” look.
This story has nothing to do with your boobs…even though I was thinking about them the whole time.
Nelli said,
June 1, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Oh, OW. That is not okay. But at least he didn’t do it on purpose.
Also, you crack me up. Betty and Boop, huh? I think I named my boobs once. I can’t remember what, though. I think they were like Bertha and Swanhilde, or something. Oh well.
Epiphany said,
June 1, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Not fun!
I don’t have your patience for Movers, I think. I tend to get twitchy when other people fidget too much. My fiance paces while he’s on the phone and it drives me nuts!
Chadely said,
June 1, 2007 at 7:31 pm
How could i NOT post when your talking about my fav subject…boobs…if;n ye need me tah come o’er thar and give ‘em a wee bit oh the Anderson massage…(it has gotten me 3 kids now) i will oblige yah….just thought i would throw that out…yah know…in case….
Athena said,
June 3, 2007 at 8:40 am
You’re all so kind! I know with you all looking out for Betty and Boop - my boobs are in good hands.
Kungfukitten said,
June 4, 2007 at 7:57 pm
It was always fun in sparring glass when a guy accidentally hit you right in the tit, he’d get a bit flustered and you could take advantage of the situation and punch him in the face. Works every time.
erisian said,
June 5, 2007 at 8:23 am
Athena said,
June 3, 2007 at 8:40 am
You’re all so kind! I know with you all
looking out for Betty and Boop - my boobs
are in good hands.
Whose hands are those?
Athena said,
June 5, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Whose ever hands are the most gentle