I’ll be opening the coffee shop at 6:30 so I’m off to bed early. But I got the full script for the movie today, I guess we start filming on Sunday. I was mistaken, there are in fact two, yes two sex scenes and one topless.
I had a minor panic attack as I was reading, wondering what the fuck I was thinking to agree to this. Both scenes are a little rough and although I think they will be fun, I can’t seem to wrap my brain around this part. No matter how in character you are, there’s a certain level of trust you need to have in your scene partner to be able to let them freely handle your body.
While I’m getting cozy about being nude and making peace with my shape, I still haven’t been able to muster up the ability to trust men in my space that way. I’m sure that as long as I can stay in character – it won’t freak me out so bad, but I have to think of the possibility that I could get shaken. I think this is partly the reason I agreed. I need to be shaken and I know it. I need to break the bubble of my fear of touch and intimacy and if the only way I can do that at first is by using this scenario, and in the body of a character until I breech the fear inside me – then so be it. Make it fun, and heavily impersonal, and then I can sort it out later.
I have no idea if this logic makes any sense to anyone else. Even though I’m struggling to articulate this is pretty much the gist of it. Plowing forward because it scares me. Pushing myself because I know I’ve reached a point in which I cannot remain and maintain a healthy emotional balance. Time to upset the equilibrium.
Where I’ll be when the dust settles, well, I don’t know and that sort of excites me.
Have no fear, Mona and Erisian, I will take care.
Recent Comments