09.20.07
Personal VS. Private
I’ve gotten a lot of feedback by email or in person that people have difficulty reading my blog. Most of the comments are about how personal it is and how they feel like they’re seeing parts of me that should be kept private, or they feel like voyeurs. What fascinates me about this is that I have trouble understanding why anyone would be uncomfortable when I so clearly make the effort to put myself out there.
I can’t accidentally type four pages, and accidentally hit the publish button on a site that I accidentally built and pay for…
It’s not like finding my private journal and having an inner battle about whether or not to read it while I’m in the shower. I actually DO keep a private journal, wherein I work out most of the things that I sometimes post. Other things are just for me. Other things are not mine to share, but belong to other people – so I keep them safe.
But that brings me to the curiosity of personal blogs. I obvisouly do not have a niche topic. At the Blogger meet-up people were introducing themselves, “Hi, I’m ( ) I blog food.” “I’m a floral blogger.” “I’m a political blogger.”
And eventually it would come to the question, “What’s your topic?” I felt put on the spot to come up with something clever, or non-egocentric but as they stared at me I would eventually decide, there’s no hiding from the fact that a personal blog – is in fact a giant ego trip. Narcissistic and self-centered… hence the term, personal blog.
“Well,” I said. “I’m the topic. I blog about myself.”
There were a couple of people whose eyes skipped off me in disinterest and a couple who leaned in closer and I had the sudden uncomfortable sensation that I was someone’s equivalent of a train wreck. They couldn’t look away.
Please allow me to clarify why I keep a personal blog.
I love words. I love stories. I love the adventures of what it means to be human, a woman and a creative individual. I kept this blog at the beginning as a source to keep track of my own convoluted journey, so I could look back and always know – I have evolved. It was also a way for friends and family to keep track of me so as I traveled they would know I wasn’t in a ditch in Florida or something. It was a way to gage the success of my Quest to find ultimate Bliss.
It still is, but my readers have gone from a handful of friends to 300 regulars and 300 occasional readers. As the readers became more frequent I felt more of an obligation to stop pulling punches and put more of the truth out there – because I have learned through this blog that I am not alone. Everyone struggles with what it means to heal, to love, to adventure and to open to their full potential – so I felt like, I really need to do it, for Bliss, for the journey and share it all with anyone else who maybe thinks they are alone – because we are not – none of us – not really.
This blog is not private. It’s personal, and there is a very big difference. If it were private I wouldn’t be paying for a hosting site, or hitting the publish button.
I’m so glad you are all my journey with me. I just think it’s more fun this way. The more the merrier, I say.
Thank you for being witness to my awkward growth phases, my fears and the successes when I manage not to trip over my own foolishness. Thank you for being my witness. You guys rock!
Here are a few of the links that get the most emails, or phone calls or conversations about what people think is too personal to print.
BrianM said,
September 20, 2007 at 10:26 am
I don’t have anything profound to add except that I try on my blog to do the same thing - present myself, good and bad, and try to work through why I’m doing what I’m doing and how do I get from where I am to where I want to be. Maybe that’s interesting to other people, maybe not. I don’t really care. The ones who are interested will read it and the ones who don’t can find something else. My webstats tell me that I get around 275-300 “unique visits” a day, which means there’s a few hundred people who read me daily. I don’t have that many friends and family, so the bulk of those folk must be people I’ve not yet met. Great! But that’s not going to change what I write about.
When I stumbled on your blog, I recognized that same kind of approach to writing, though about different topics and a different person and life, and I can relate to what you say and, more importantly, why you’re saying it. That impulse to document the good and the bad, the flaws and perfections. It’s awesome. Don’t stop doing that. Unless, y’know… you want to. But definitely don’t stop if there are people who are uncomfortable reading it. Maybe those folk need to be uncomfortable; maybe it will help them realize something about themselves.
Epiphany said,
September 20, 2007 at 2:46 pm
*hugs*
If people think your blog is too personal…they shouldn’t read it. I think it takes an amazing amount of courage to put yourself out there like that, and can only hope that one day I’ll have that much courage myself.
Keep up the good work, hon!
erisian said,
September 20, 2007 at 6:22 pm
save time for more conversation when i drink coffee with you.
i lke what you do here.
and your response when you meet other bloggers is honest.. mine? i think it was something along the lines of.. “uh.. whats a blah-g? LOOK! FREE BEER!’
honestly, i just wish i had as much to say as you do, instead, i am just a ball.
erraberra said,
September 20, 2007 at 7:15 pm
I’m at a loss for words right now…but only because I don’t know where to begin my rant.
I read each and every one of those posts, and found myself craving more…not feeling uncomfortable.
G’head with your bad self, girl…fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke!
megan said,
September 20, 2007 at 7:41 pm
your blog is a slice of your life, something to be treated with respect and seen as precious as it is, but its neither a train wreck or a peep into the inside-insides of your life. that is what your friends are for. *grins*..nah, I love reading it, it keeps me in touch with you when I can’t see you, touch you, talk with you, and it adds depth when I can. You have never claimed to be anything but what you are or to represent anything but that..and I appreciate that. you write about a life. just because it is -your- life shouldn’t make it any less or more important.
Athena said,
September 21, 2007 at 8:19 am
Thanks guys
I will keep doing what I do. Becuase, well there is Bliss in this form of expression and I dig havin’ ya’ll around
Jess said,
September 21, 2007 at 4:54 pm
I have read many blogs, some I have found poignant, refreshing, narcissistic, perverse, depressing, and crude. If I didn’t enjoy what I was reading I wouldn’t continue to do so. I enjoy a blog like yours, your writing always leaves me feeling joyful, understood, and more intrigued. I loved the Orlando story and have since discovered my own Orlando, the lead singer of Smashing Pumpkins when he is shaved bald reminds me of my ex. I finally understand why I am obsessed with the music video “1979″. Now just to get “over it”. As for your night with Matt you know how I felt reading that. It’s a look into your life, the truth, the hurt, the self discovery, the friendships, I love every bit of it, never stop or hold yourself back because of what others think or feel, SCREW them all =) xoxo
(cutaia) said,
September 21, 2007 at 6:03 pm
My first experience with “blogging about oneself” was in 1998, when I discovered “Eddie & Wonton” on sorabji.com. I’ve been reading about his life for 10 years now, and even though the updates these days are few and far between, I’d consider him a hero of mine.
He once wrote something that I’ve since tried to live by:
“There could not be anything inside of me so ghastly that the world could not someday handle being exposed to it.” - Mark A. Thomas, 9.22.95
Athena said,
September 22, 2007 at 11:56 am
Cutaia, I LOVE that quote.
Thank you for putting it up. I’ll be doing some reading on him
Britt said,
September 24, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Although my blog is not *quite* up, I am writing with an audience in mind.
I am publishing myself, motherfuckers. Who get’s to say what is valid text in our contemporary interweb universe? Me. And you. And you and you and you and…
And I agree with cutaia, we are all curdled, muddled, befuddled, and mangled somewhere inside, so why not bring it out into the fresh air. The worst thing that could happen is that somewhat insults us because they feel it too, and it scares them. It’s more likely that we will feel better, because no one has a corner on fuckupedness…
Which is why I blog even though the posts aren’t *quite* up. No shame. Ever. Being human is gorgeous and disastrous, juicy, and now, a little more communal.
And because you blog this stuff, others (read: including me) can do so too, and heal. So, thank you… even though you already had your own radness safely understood and under your own belt.
I am glad that I have you as a friend; I hope I get to hang with you soon in the non-e-world.