11.29.07
Pattern Alert - Athena, pay attention.
I’ve never allowed myself to take on gigs that are more stressful than the payoff before. Slinging coffee, waiting tables, working in an artist glass studio and an investment banking firm – I’ve taken on a pretty diverse set of career options. Life guarding, writing a book and teaching scrapbook lessons; it doesn’t really seem to have a rhyme or reason, I mean the jobs I pick.
This job as a Student Financial Aid Officer fits the pattern of randomness – but breaks the mold in that – I’ve never let the stress of 9-5 get to me before. Even in corporate environments I maintained my quirky sense of independence and a good hold of reality that “this is just a job” it is not my life.
I have somehow lost that distinction, and I’ve begun making work feel like “lives hang in the balance”
Positively ridiculous as this is not surgery or war or even remotely as important as making sure someone gets off on the right foot in the morning with a good cup of coffee. So what I don’t get is where I’ve crossed the wire? When did I let the doom and gloom get to me?
Yesterday I broke down crying and ran to the bathroom. As I sobbed I kept saying, “It’s not a real job till it makes you cry.”
WTF? What’s THAT about? That is not Bliss. AT ALL!
On the ratio of my live for happiness percentage – my job is truly crimping my style. I know how to work hard – I even like it. I know how to think outside the box and be creative and troubleshoot like a pro – but what I’m not good at is being squished into a space too small for my spirit. I like a challenge. I like a mix-up of routine. I don’t like being so overwhelmed there is no longer a sense of victory at the end of the tunnel.
I haven’t written a thing. A single story since I started full-time. I haven’t even plotted and arc or indulged in a chapter.
This is me telling myself to hang in there till the worst of this storm blows over – while reminding myself in writing – if I am not smiling and laughing and writing by mid February, it’s time to re-shape the system.
I hereby ask, that if you know me and know me well, that if you see this pattern continuing past that point – please kindly refer me to this post. Thank you.
Chadely said,
November 29, 2007 at 10:55 pm
If’n ya dont like it, or its stresses you out….quit…Of course this comes from a guy who only works at a place until he gets bored, then moves on…my shortest stint before boredom set in..uhmm…about 2 hours…longest was 2 years. Its not that i dont want a boring job…but you know me, when i get bored bad things happen….Anyway this is about you, I say fuck ‘em, people nowadays forget to live life and let their work dictate who they are, you dont want that.
Besides your an actress\writer, they are supposed to have many different jobs…helps with having a pool of experience to draw from…
but, i am not really helping…so forget what you just read, and read it again in Feb.
megan said,
November 30, 2007 at 12:03 pm
*hugs* love you…gotta love when lives explode at the same time eh!..will do on the referring. see you soon!
Cynthia Mathai said,
November 30, 2007 at 1:44 pm
I hear you, Athena. I have found the same lack of pattern recognition happening in my own life. And I’m sick of it. Sometimes what needs to change isn’t the environment, but the control you take within it. Our job isn’t surgery, or war, or whatever. There are people who’d like to make us feel like it is, pressure us to the point of explosion, but we have to battle to remain centered on what is true. Our job is just a job. When we are here, we do it well and work as a team, but we leave it here. We have lives outside of Finance. We were people before we had this job, and we dare not forget that. You’ve inspired me to make changes in my own life, Athena.
I’ll do my part to remind you to remain true to yourself. Because we can’t afford to lose the creative, dead honest and open person that you are.
Athena said,
November 30, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Cynthia, my girl, you are fabulous.
Thank you for that.
Now I will have to walk down the hall and squish you
Amanda G said,
December 1, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Hi Athena,
I hear you too, sister! This next couple of weeks is going to be tough. We have to get each other through it. We have to laugh a lot and remember that we all go home at night. I was so happy to have you come on as a full FA, you’ve got a great energy and you are weird like me. I have to admit that I would have tried to talk you out of it, though. This job is so oppressive to free spirited, creative individuals. Do not let this place crush your spirit…you are way too strong for that. Don’t let it keep you from writing because that is the one thing that will keep you tethered to your true self. IT IS JUST A JOB IT IS JUST A JOB IT IS JUST A JOB. There are a million others like it. I pretend this place is a big monster that I have to beat into submission. I also like a challenge
Athena said,
December 3, 2007 at 11:02 am
Hey Amanda!
You. Rock!
Welcome to the BlissQuest!!
I love that you think of work as a big monster. I’ll bring the bat and we can just wail on it.
I love having an office next to you