There has been a lot of feedback about the LoveQuest. There seems to be a common thread in what my friends are saying and I don’t know if I just didn’t articulate my feelings well in that post or what.
The common denominator is people telling me not to go looking for love – “let it find you,” they say. I’m in total agreement of this, but I still maintain – I’m not looking for it so much as putting myself out there to help it find me.
I say tomato you say don’t try so hard.
Anyhoo, the objective is to open myself up to receiving. Open myself as much as I can. I’m not sizing men up on the street wondering, “is he the one.” I’m not eyeballing guys at the supermarket and wondering how they’d look with a stroller. I’m not eager for a gott-have-someone-right-now-I-guess-you’ll-do sort of relationship. I’ve explained I know this may take time, it may take a lot of attempts it may take me years BUT
I’m finally in a place where I can admit openly that I’m willing to put myself out there. Willing to entertain the idea – possibly willing to embrace it.
Furthermore, now that I’m in a place where I’m happy with my life and my direction and so on – I have no desire to settle, and I’ve made peace with the idea that if I put myself out there and it doesn’t find me… I will be okay being alone. I’m alright with that because I like who I am. Having someone to share with would be ideal, but my ability to be happy does not depend on it.
I’m framing this as an adventure. Everyone who reads this blog knows I like to do experiments, gather data, perform tests. I think of the LoveQuest slightly on those terms. It’s a win-win reach into the great unknown, beyond my pond here in Portland to the great sea of possibility. Even if love doesn’t find me, I’m meeting great people – expanding my ideas, stretching my imagination and hearing the stories of other people (mostly men) who are on their own quests for the “epic love story”.
What fascinates me most so far, is my friend base here in Portland mostly being on the side of the fence that says, “Stop. Rethink. Wait for it to come.” While my emails and reaching thus far have uncovered droves of people on the other side of the fence that says, “Thank you for trying. Reaching. Inspiring.”
Ordinarily, my base here reflects what I feel to some degree – but the disparity between the voices of strangers who so far have left me lines like: “I’ll happily assist you in your quest, regardless of the personal outcome” and others along the lines of “I don’t think I’m the one you’re looking for but I like what you’re trying to do so I’d like to keep in touch and watch it unfold.”
Something that is quickly becoming apparent to me is this: In my selfishness, I assumed somehow that I was the only one looking for something that can only be described as “larger than life” but as I’ve been writing to folks, I am beginning to understand – seriously, how everyone longs for connection. Depth. Romance, and love. As it becomes more apparent I feel more and more foolish – because I somehow believed – men especially, don’t really care who they hook up with so long as she is attractive and demure, bonus points if she cooks.
The more I talk with people online, faceless and buffered by the anonymity of the internet, they speak to me with honesty and I believe them.
I have been mistaken about men. I have generalized. I have judged. Maybe this is why I haven’t felt a spark. Maybe my preconceived judgments of the male species has kept my flame safely banked to prevent a catastrophe.
The first lesson thus far of the LoveQuest is this: To honestly open myself to love, to truly understand the chemistry of a relationship with the other sex – I must first rethink what I believe I know about them. Only then will I be able to fully be in a receiving place for what it is I want.
My plan of action for lesson one: Listen to men. Ask questions. Gather data like I usually do. Experiment and test even if that means buying an old man a drink and sitting at the bar to hear his life story. Ask and hear and learn. Do this, with an open mind, a steady dose of logic and a heaping pile of intuition.
Athena, if you want to know love in an epic way – you need to unlearn what you mother taught you. You need to have faith that men can love as deeply as you can. You need to challenge what society has ingrained and entertain the idea that men are emotional. Athena, if you want to know for certain – go ask them, and remember it’s in their best interest to be honest – because if you listen with an open mind, a non-judgmental heart – they will be glad to finally have a place to put their truth.
When you doubt, and you will, come back here and remember – you are not alone in this quest. This quest burns in the heart of every human being. Just remember that.
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