01.25.08
Rugrats?
I’ve discovered a possible problem with the dating thing. I mean, more so than some of the other problems.
Someone asked me if I wanted children. EEEK! My first response was to hyperventilate, and break out into a sweat. As hives began to form on my arms and my sweater felt suddenly itchy – I remembered – I don’t have to respond to the email right away.
So I waited almost a week so I could think about it.
GOD! What a question! Totally understandable and valid to ask it and yet my emotional response was off the charts – freaked out!
Freaked out because I haven’t actually thought about it recently. Freaked out because I don’t actually know. Freaked out because I never wanted kids – whole heartedly swore I would never have kids and yet – in the last two years the concept of motherhood doesn’t make me feel trapped and the idea has surfaced that potentially one day, the motherhood topic will be put on the table and I won’t shove it off. That freaks me out.
It’s a valid dating question. Right to the heart of the matter that is dear to many men. Family.
Truthfully I don’t know how I feel about that.
I know I’ll be a good mother when I’m ready, but my ready time-table may never synch up with someone else’s ready time-table. In fact, I may never be ready, and I don’t know how that information factors into the dating equation because I’ve never needed to have an answer before.
I decided I’m going to have to think about it. Seriously.
I know that the family question is putting the cart before the horse as this LoveQuest is about opening myself to the possibility of a relationship. That being said, I also understand that from the opposite side of the line, men with a relationship in mind will probably also be thinking of a family – therein lies the problem.
Even as I write this I’m sill freaked out enough that my fear response is to jump ship on the LoveQuest altogether. God, I’m such a pansy.
Epiphany is going to have a good laugh over this one I suspect. Don’t worry, Epiphany, I will stop and breathe so I don’t pass out.
Lara said,
January 25, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Keep in mind that you may not know until you find that person who when you look into their eyes, you can see the flicker of your children dancing about.
Yes its an important factor in the relationship equation, but before you even get to that variable, you need to find the person you can be with first.
Epiphany said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:14 am
Omg, Athena wrote about me in a diary entry! I feel like…like a trekkie who just got a guest-star spot on an episode of whatever current incarnation of Star Trek there is now…
Heehee.
That said…no, I’m not laughing. Sure I think there’s no point overthinking stuff in the past, but this is more a future deal, yeah? So why not be thinking about this? Sometimes the best way to come to a true answer about something is to have it in the back of your mind for a while, sort of…percolating, and let your subconscious ponder it. So you know…go you!
Jhorna said,
January 30, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Just a random fish in this internet version of the sea.
What about this idea:
No one is ever ready to have children.
But I guess the urge to try overpowers that self-knowledge (if it’s ever there). So uhm…. yeah! I guess that’s what I think. But what do I know?
I am enjoying reading your blog. A lot of it really resonates with me. Your blog is very humanizing, yet uplifting at the same time. So thanks!
Athena said,
January 30, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Hello Jhorna!
Welcome to the BlissQuest!
I think you know a lot! Even people who think they are ready - rarely, if ever REALLY know what they are getting into. No one is ever really ready
Good Point.
Thank you for reading and for the compliment. I hope to see you around!