01.31.08
Pardon her
This woman comes into my office to complete paperwork for her file. She’s 42 and perhaps a few fries short of a happy meal – I don’t know.
Anyway, she is sitting up against my desk signing forms and very nonchalantly says, “Excuse me I’m about to fart.”
I had enough time for my face to register shock when she leans over and – I swear to god – crop-dusts half my office. Then politely says, “My mom taught me to be polite, so that’s why I pardoned myself in advance.”
“okay.” I whispered trying immediately to hold my breath.
For the next 15 minutes I tried casually to reach behind myself for things so I could breathe into my shoulder as well as carry on a conversation without actually inhaling.
Somehow I held it together long enough so that as soon as she left I lit up a can of Lysol and locked my office and made a beeline to the bathroom where I sat on the sink laughing so hard I thought I’d sprain an abdominal muscle. Just another day at the office.
Lara said,
January 31, 2008 at 10:58 pm
I almost just died laughing. I hope your happy.
Epiphany said,
February 1, 2008 at 8:46 am
Sadly something similar happened to my dad. We’d just moved to a new house (somewhat in sticksville) and Dad was meeting the neighbor. Midway through the conversation the neighbor holds up one finger, as if to say “wait a moment” or “i’ll be right with you”…
And…yeah.
I still can’t believe my dad kept a straight face
Athena said,
February 1, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I am still recovering….
Nelli Vanderburg said,
February 1, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Hahaha! Well, at least she said excuse me, I guess. And I’ll bet it’s nice to be so completely unselfconcious about something like that.