05.14.08
90 days
90 days. Starting on the 19th of May, 2008 until the 16th of August. It’s a life re-org.
Some fundamental questions need to be answered about my life and I want to start it before my 30th birthday.
I never did post my 29th note to self, but I’ve been thinking about what I wrote last year, a lot. Especially with the 30th note to self fast approaching.
It’s been the plan to always write my year out in advance, to give myself pointers and to do an advanced pep-talk for any possible pitfalls.
Several things I think I’ve struggled with this last year are boundaries, intimacy and purpose.
For those of you whom I haven’t blathered on to about my 30th – I should explain that I am SO EXCITED to turn 30. I really am! It sounds unreal but I’ve been looking forward to 30 since I turned 27 and kept thinking, “only three more years.” And 28 “damnit, two more years.” And 29, “Thank God! Next year I’ll be 30!!”
I can’t really explain it. I’ve just made the correlation that with 30 comes the shedding of my childhood. Finally, I can let go of the ideas/fear/obligations of the rush to survive and the disorientation of being mentally and somewhat emotionally asleep. Somehow I have wired the thought to my consciousness that when I turn 30, I will be free of my Karmic obligations of youth so I can put my full attention and INTENTIONS on my greater purpose for this lifetime.
This doesn’t mean I’ll not have my inner child, on the contrary I will have her closer to me than ever before – but she will not require so much attention because I feel like I have reached the edge of where I needed to nurture my child Athena in an effort to provide the childhood she didn’t get. This last two years, I have been mothering her.
For the first time, since I can remember, I feel like I have finally had my childhood and I’m ready to venture into the world and embrace my path as a woman. As an adult. As a member of the human race with the power and capacity to make changes where the Universe thinks I will be most beneficial.
I finally feel like I have true and honest independence, because I have given closure to the pain of a stolen innocence. I reclaimed her. I gave her love and freedom and nurturing and chocolate and hugs and room to play and adventure. Finally, she is satisfied and feels wholesome and protected. Finally, I can move forward and become a warrior because I will not have a needy and terrified abandoned child in me.
I have now, a path to walk that actually feels like a relief. For the last several weeks as I’ve been processing I’ve come to see that with my inner child being healed I am coming in to a great deal of energy and power that has been being diverted to her for a long time. Now I feel the need to shed my baby fat, change the clothes I’ve worn for my “childhood” and slide into the body of a woman. A curvy, alabaster-skinned woman. I woman with a voice and hips that sway and arms that can hold a sword. I can, with a sigh of relief exhale and bring my spirit to full strength in a form that is feminine and mature and ready to engage with a man of similar awareness.
In this 90 days I plan to shed my childhood shape, and begin my birth into a new life of conscious actions and prepare myself to accept the call of the Universe, because finally, I am ready to answer it without a fight.
To celebrate my 30th and the continuation of the journey and the birthing of this new adventure I will be having a week long party. From the 3rd of August to the 10th that will include things such as Skydiving, beaches, parties and people I love. So if you are interested or if you also want to use that week to celebrate your own evolutions, growth arcs, victories or passions… I encourage you to take the 90 day challenge with me and begin anew.
What about your life can you change or alter to provide a higher level of happiness and health in 90 days? What steps can you take to feel more whole?
Do you want me to help you pledge? If you want to write in I will update and have check-ins for the next 90 days and we can celebrate together in August.
You game?
Lara said,
May 14, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Sounds intense… but I think it might be necessary (for me to join you that is).
Athena said,
May 14, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Alrighty Lara,
Let’s make some plans
Sondra said,
May 15, 2008 at 11:55 am
That’s so awesome! I stoked about 30 too, for some crazy reason. I feel like I am becoming more and more the Woman I always wanted to be or looked up to. Er, Wonder Woman, specifically. I feel so powerful lately, nothing is perfect still, but it’s all - beautiful. I totally feel once again like I am capable of doing whatever the hell I want to do… And of course believing it makes it true, it’s a self proving cycle that solidifies itself.
I want to be a part of your 90 day thing!
I, as always, need to find time to take care of myself - not spread myself too thin. Because of the frantic pace of Spring, I actually need to be reminded of this daily. I cannot get through 10 deep breaths at a time, even before bed, I’m so wrapped up in stuff lately. It’s good to focus on stuff, but I must relax too!
So my effort will simply be trying to take 10 deep consecutive breaths every day.
How are check-ins going to work?
Speaking of work, should get back to it heh heh
Megan said,
May 15, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I’m in. I want to see that I am loved and worth loving. Again. I want to find the part of myself I lost. I want to remember how that feels, how it feels to be able to nurture others because I am in my power, I know I am powerful and beautiful and worth the affection I get so I can return it tenfold! I was there once and I want to remember what that is.
I also want to be less tired. I’m not sure if that is physical or spiritual but in the next 90 days I pledge to find out what it is and take the first steps to fix it..
So yeah. that’s my pledge.
ResilientMonkey said,
May 15, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Wow. I’m not a pledger, but you go girl! I’ve got so many problems in my life right now, my idea of self improvement is just balancing a budget and being able to walk more than 20 minutes