I’m pretty sure this is psychological, but if it is – I’m totally okay with it. Firstly, since doubling and even tripling my protein intake I feel stronger. I have not cut carbohydrates out of my diet I am trying to keep my carbs and proteins equal as I am still working out and need the energy.
The second thing I’ve noticed is that I get tired much faster. While my limbs feel stronger and more powerful, my energetic output is lower. While I suspect this is still a transitional stage, it’s an interesting observation that I cannot seem to do my treadmill time as fast or long, but I am lifting weights have again as heavy as before and twice the duration – but I have less for cardio. I’m still plateaued with my body weight but for the first time in weeks since doing lifting I decided to flex my arm and whooped with excitement.
I ran through the office at work and barged into a meeting with my manager and a co-worker and blurted, “Dude! Feel my arm!” He gave me a sidelong look and squeezed my bicep to humor me. I was ridiculously happy because I haven’t had this kind of tone in my arms since I was a fencer.
SWEET!
This got me all stoked about going to the gym last night and then I noticed a third thing… before leaving work I grabbed my gym bag and went to fill my water bottle up, while I was there I looked in the mirror and noticed nothing out of the ordinary. 20 minutes later I was changing in the locker room at 24 hour fitness and caught my reflection in the full body mirror by the scale – I swear to god I looked suddenly 10 pounds heavier. It was so startling that I stared for a minute, turned this way and that (I rarely make an effort to look in the mirror at the gym as I find it is usually counterproductive) I couldn’t believe I looked that heavy. Suddenly everyone else seemed so skinny to me and I spent the rest of my workout dwelling on it.
Then when I got home and changed again I stood in front of the mirror to try and make peace with how massive I felt – and then – I was back to normal. I saw my reflection and thought, “Wait a minute? Did I just loose ten pounds of water weight in one workout?”
It hit me then, with a terrible sickening. The mirrors at 24 hour fitness are not normal mirrors. Then I immediately retracted the thought, nobody is that cruel. Nobody.
Holy crap, Batman! Could I totally me imagining this? Is this a by-product of low self-esteem or something, perhaps that workout anxiety of trying to obtain the “prefect body”?
Whatever it is, I will try my best not to look at myself in the mirror at the gym. Bad mojo.
The good news is that I am still stoked about how much stronger and more centered I feel. 90 days, guys. I can do this for 90 days.
How are your challenges going?
Lara, how’s your list?
Megan, are you spending time with your goddess?
Sondra, Are you saying no and taking deep breathes?
ResilientMonkey, how are your wanderings going?
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