Me: Yeah, I think you’re gonna need to go round up Jake Gyllenhaal to go on a date with me.

Admiral Fubar: Sure thing. I’ll just sell a testicle and a kidney and buy a chance to talk him into going out with my sister.

Me: Aw! You’d do that for me? You think you can get it done by August?

Admiral Fubar: A testicle and a kidney might not get me enough to get more than half the job done.

Me: Damn, that doesn’t say much about your testicles, man…

Lately, every morning I pack two boiled eggs, two string cheese and some fruit for breakfast on my way to work. I sit at my desk, and crack eggs, peel cheese and drink my coffee while I catch up on emails and read my reports.

The other morning I packed my breakfast, raced to work and as I sat at the desk to eat and get ready for the morning I cracked an egg like usual.

It was a second before I thought, “That didn’t sound right.”
I looked down as raw eggs oozed over my reports like a snot bomb.

Panicked, I grabbed the trash can and tried to swipe it into the bucket, but as you know – raw egg mostly just smears in goober stringers.

After a flurry of napkins and Clorox wipes I sat at my desk lamenting that my breakfast was gone.

But then I smiled because cracking a raw egg all over my daily printouts is something that seemed strangely appropriate.

Haven’t you always wanted to egg your accounts receivable?