Crossing my fingers, and leaving the house.

People ask me all the time, “How do these really weird, bizarre things happen to you?”

“I leave my house.”

Which is true. Strange things happen if I leave my house. And I am totally convinced that they happen to everyone else who leave their house – only, most people aren’t paying attention to it. I just happen to notice it all so it looks like it happens all the time.

Since I’ve been pretty much hiding in my house for the last year with health stuff, I fear the Universe has been saving it all up for me.

Oh, looky, Athena is blogging again. Let’s give her something to blog about.

As I’ve been getting better, this fear has led to many attempts to AVOID blog-worthy moments.

For example, driving down the freeway on my way to work, a truck towing a trailer of honey-bucket porta-potties merged into my lane from an on-ramp. The very last porta-potty was not actually ON the trailer it was hanging off the back as it was only TIED to the other porta-potties in the trailer. So it was dangling out there like a shit-ton of disaster waiting to happen 15 feet from my grill.

After reading for 5 years all the totally random catastrophic events that come my way what do you think I did when the trailer full of shit boxes merged into my lane – with one toilet not secured?

I swerved through three lanes of traffic screaming at motorists, “GET OUT OF MY WAY!!! IT’S A BLOG!! GET OUT OF THE WAY OR I’M GONNA GET SHIT ALL OVER ME!!” That’s what I did.

I’m not proud of it. No. But there it is.

Now that I’m leaving the house again – I am terrified that my life will return to one unbelievable thing after another. Which, don’t get me wrong, it can be a lot of fun and lead to some really serious revelations, but it’s also an exhausting day job, honestly.

Which is why in the last week alone, I have crossed the street twice to avoid good looking men. Refused to go out for drinks with someone very nice. Only argued slightly with the parking meter Nazi – before I realized, with my blog karma – best not make the toothless crazy man any angrier, and just accepted the ticket or he’d give me something to blog about. And I moved the fire extinguisher closer to the fire pit. (which just seems prudent regardless of what kind of life you usually have)

I keep feeling like it’s all a trap. Like all the things that are going good finally will come with a terrible cost – an Athena worthy, embarrassing, heavy price.

It’s that “Waiting for the other shoe to drop” feeling.

But maybe the shoe did drop. Maybe everything from the last year of terror WAS the shoe.

Maybe now I can expect some amazing, blog-worthy cool and incredible things to happen.

Time to start leaving the house, and expecting good things. Happy coincidences. Synchronicity. Destiny.

Bliss.

That being said, I will still refuse to drive behind a trailer full of crappers. Why gamble those odds?