So the holiday season has officially begun; parties and adventures abounding, along with the mysterious pressure to find a mate.
I went to a couple of parties on Saturday and had the good fortune of meeting some new and interesting people.
Of course, when you’re single there’s a lot of pressure to mingle, whether you’re feeling it or not. Well-meaning folk want to hook you up, and others just think it’s sad you aren’t hanging on someone’s arm.
I admit I’ve caved to the pressure a few times to be more enthusiastic or dress up more in an effort to at least look like I’m trying. Put on lipstick. Suck in belly. Smile. Etc.
But an opportunity came up early Saturday night when I met a beautiful, very attractive and intelligent man and I thought, “Okay, Athena. Okay. Do that thing you’re supposed to do.” You know, the “be interested in what they’re saying, try to make lots of eye contact, look impressed.”
Turns out, it wasn’t hard, he was genuinely interesting and funny. Pretty soon I was doing the, “Okay, Athena, he’s got some potential. Well groomed, educated, clearly knows how to bathe, which is ten steps up from most of the dudes foisted on you by friends. Even better, this guy wasn’t foisted; he was just comfortably having a conversation. Sweet!”
But try as I might, I had little to contribute to the conversation. The pressure mounted. Crap. All my friends try so hard to make these things happen for me, why can’t I just try? Meet a nice guy and make friends happy. “Seriously, Athena, could you at least put some effort into it?”
And just as I was about to open my mouth…
Hotguy’s – equally hot -boyfriend arrived.
Several things happened simultaneously.
I thought, “Oh, thank god! He has a boyfriend!” and I stopped sucking in my belly.
While at the same time, I thought, “Aw! Shit! Not one, but TWO hot guys totally off limits. Epic fail, Athena. Why do you never pick up on the signals in time?”
And thirdly, I totally relaxed and started actually having fun. Anxiety gone.
I don’t understand the pressure, I really don’t. Where does it come from? I don’t feel the need to find anyone. Single life is perfect for me right now. But why do I cave to the feeling that I need to make other people happy by taking their minds off my wellbeing and hurry and get a partner so my friends will stop stressing out about my happiness.
I’m happy. But they are starting to make me think – maybe I’m not, since they obviously don’t believe me. And it gets much worse around the holidays, which leads to extra-long baths and avoiding my phone, because I can’t take anymore well-meant blind dates. Then of course my reclusive behavior further fuels the myth that I must need a boyfriend.
There’s just no winning.
The second party was a family affair with some wine and a sofa by the tree. Later as the guests departed, I lingered with the last stragglers and we caught up on life and living. A great way to end the evening and a wonderful start to the holidays.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
May your season be full of friends and family, love and cheer!!
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