I just had dinner with three, seriously beautiful men. My local firefighters.
I would like to put in writing, that I am sorry for thinking, even in the smallest increment, that I felt stupid for having had to call 911 and that I imagined they must have thought I was a dumb woman.
I could not have been more wrong.
Tonight, the men I met and ate with were the utmost gentlemen. They were kind and funny, generous with their time and energy and very friendly.
Not once, did I feel foolish.
It started because I wanted to say thank you to the men who showed up to put out the oven fire. I wanted them to know they are appreciated for what they do. It can’t be an easy job and probably goes often unacknowledged.
So I cooked. Food is love. It’s a language I understand and believe most people can comprehend. I made a simple lasagna, salad and cupcakes; nothing fancy, then took it over to the fire station.
I planned to just drop it off and say thank you and leave them to their supper – but then they invited me to stay and eat with them. I stalled out. Not sure what to do. Would it be crazy awkward? Uncomfortable to sit with them if I thought for just a minute that I was imposing on their dinner or what might be one of their only moments of quiet time?
But I was curious about them. What kind of men are they who take a job fighting fires and answering 911 calls for women who set steaks on fire?
So I stayed, nervous at first, afraid I’d be in the way. But they were quick to welcome me into their surrogate home and dish me a plate of food and jump right in to conversation.
And they were – charming. Oh god, so charming.
They were so much adorable, and lovely and hot and charismatic all rolled in to one that it was difficult to eat – I just wanted to stare. What rule says firefighters have to be good-looking? Did all the hotties end up at my fire station? If someone wants to do a calendar of sexy, charming and intelligent rescue workers – they could come to my neighborhood. No joke.
And while I’m sure my dad will be thrilled that I had dinner with three men (I know dad, I’m not getting any younger, no need to keep pointing it out) – my dad’s happiness was the last thing on my mind. Because, for the first time in years, yes, years, I had dinner with men who were marvelous dinner companions.
In short. These firefighters were such great dinner companions, such nice guys. I was totally off my game. So stalled out by sudden quality of company after years of wading through meals with… well, you get the point.
That all I did was push food around my plate and try to keep up.
And that’s not all. I was impressed by them, each one. By their sense of purpose.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with gorgeous men who know what the fuck they want, and how they plan to get it. I can’t even tell you what a breath of fresh air it was to know, the men sitting at the table were doing what they love to do. Wow.
How sexy is that? It makes all the difference in the world!
I really hope I didn’t stare too much.
And I knew then that when they’d come to my house and I thought they must think I am a stupid woman who can’t use an oven – IT WAS MY IMAGINATION. My insecurity of looking helpless induced me to infer meanings that simply were not there in any truth.
As I sat across the table, laughing and chatting I realized something unsettling, something dark about who I am that needs to change.
This chip on my shoulder about asking for help, the fear of appearing incapable or incompetent is not working toward my best interest. If anything, it’s keeping me further from the truth of who I am and what I want to accomplish with my life.
No one wants to look incompetent. Why should I imagine I’m special? But assuming everyone thinks I am – doesn’t give them the chance to reveal their marvelous personalities, nor does it give me a chance to see people as they are actually interacting with me because my mind is already assumed.
Not okay.
Tonight was a gift of perspective I’m not sure I would have been introduced to in any other way. I deeply appreciate the chance to meet three amazing, smart and funny men and I am forever grateful to the reminder of what it’s like to have a casual dinner with good folk.
And I am thrice blessed by them that they have helped me realize how silly my insecurity is, so I can take a deeper, harder look at it and perhaps let go of something that no longer serves my future. And for this awesome gift they offered in perspective – I might need to bake them a cake to show my tremendous appreciation…
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