28th Note to Self
BLISS
Find it. Seek it out. Claim it. Own it. It’s yours, just sitting there waiting for you to recognize it. Open your eyes. Joseph Campbell says the quest for the Holy Grail is a metaphor for the search for self. This is your grail quest. This year will bring you to yourself, and leave the story open ended for the quest to evolve and for you to mature.
He also says, “Follow you bliss.” This next chapter in your saga will present you with a few growth challenges and spurts…enjoy them. Successfully completed challenges will bring you closer to your grail…
Rhythm
Respect your rhythms. They’re tailored for you, made for your progress and not to be ignored. If your soul says Waltz – then Waltz, don’t Cha Cha, or Swing – Waltz. Don’t get sucked into someone else’s Tango, remember you have your timing – they have theirs. However, if your timing lines up with someone else’s, and the mix is right, feel free to take a partner and dance till your feet fall off or the music stops. If you’re going to be dancing all night, wear comfortable shoes (fashion is optional).
Acting is doing.
So - Act.
Grace
Grace is either something you’re born with or something you learn. You were not born with much – so learn it. Grace of body and spirit can be yours if you remember to let go of things that are no longer a part of you, to reach for things that will fulfill you, and to forgive yourself when you trip or mishandle. Forgiveness breeds grace. Just keep trying.
Revolt
Revolt against the mold in which you were formed. Break it, bend it, melt it down and cast a new one. If you stagnate in your sameness, you have only yourself to blame. Re-evolve… create your own revolution.
Run.
Walk.
Skip.
Swim.
Just move your body.
Be a child at least once a day.
Courage
Embrace the things that terrify you. Make peace with your fear. I know you don’t want to face these things, but they only control you, because you are afraid. Pull your own strings or walk away from the puppet theatre. Charge the lion the best you can – even when your knees are weak.
Conviction
Conviction can be a gift won of hard-learned lessons, or a curse of ignorance and blind acceptance. Find your own convictions. Do your own research. Don’t curse yourself with someone else’s convictions.
Find your Bliss. Find your holy grail. The true grail will grant you eternal life – the false grail will take it from you.
Change
I know you buck against change. It makes your heart pound and your jaw tighten. But I also know, as much as it trips you out – you love it. You love being caught in the eddy of shifting perspectives and being washed ashore someplace new. You love to feel out of your element even though it makes you shaky and emotional. Push it. Push it as far as you think you can. When it gets to be too much, back off – but remember. Routine is only your friend so long as it gives you a healthy balance, the other side of that balance, is change.
Sometimes a leap of faith from the lion’s mouth is the only way to prove your worth.
Laugh.
Reminisce with fondness but do not dwell.
Cry, I know people think crying is weakness, but you subscribe to the strength theory that crying shows more strength than silent stoicism. Cry, purge- then take your unwound threads out and smile. The worst is over.
Create.
Play.
Second Chances
You’ve got a second chance to live out your dreams. For better or for worse, you can do it your way this time – make the best of it. Don’t settle.
Say thank you.
Collect feathers.
Appreciate your gifts.
You are fortunate. Very fortunate. Don’t forget it.
Carry water with you, stay hydrated.
When you start to feel angsty rethink what you’ve eaten, take deep breaths and remember it’s fixable.
Track you cycles better. Know you body and what it’s trying to tell you.
Don’t be too shy to ask for a hug when you need it. Physical grounding is beneficial to everyone.
Backup you work - often.
Act.
Abundance
Stop imbuing the world and your dreams with limitations. Scarcity of beauty and opportunity is a figment of your imagination. It’s the boogeyman that society and disheartened dreamers use to scare you – because if it were ever known that there is such abundance in the world for every soul, there would be less misery, and misery loves company. Don’t buy into it. It’s a scare tactic.
Giggle.
Learn to do cartwheels.
Pamper your feet.
Peace
Make a center of peace within yourself. When there is chaos, you have your own well. Make it sturdy. Make it strong, so when those you love have no center – you can lend them yours.
Home
You’ve gone on a quest to find Bliss. Being on the road has helped you see the necessity of home. So far you define home in two opposing ways; something solid and reliable, present and safe – as well as something that is moving, without walls, restrictions or expectations. You define home as harbor and sea. I know this is still something you’re working out and you’ll likely learn much more about what your heart truly wants and where you will really find your empowerment. Remember this – however homeless the road makes you feel, you will never be homeless (see abundance) you have many homes, many friends and lots of family. So long as you have love and people to share it with – you will never actually be homeless.
Objective
Without an objective you’re just standing there with your finger in your nose. Have an objective.
ACT!
Create.
Write!
You fear becoming your mother – every woman fears this. Embrace it or you will become it.
When you are stuck at a moment where you don’t know what to choose – listen for the Indiana Jones theme song, it almost always leads in the direction of adventure.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, small or out of control – find something IN the moment to be grateful for. Gratitude is a swift healer of most situations.
Smile.
Act.
Be.
Embrace your duality. I know it stresses you out that you can be strong and weak in the same five minutes. It trips you up when you can be sexual and innocent in the same conversation. It spins you out when you can sound wise then round off the evening with something foolish or ignorant. You are human. Humans are a dichotomy by their very nature. Solitary and social. Independent/ needy. Accept this about yourself. Accept that your consistency is actually in the inconsistency and when people try to hold it against you REFRAIN yourself from pointing out the hypocrisy of their own lives. It will not serve you to explain it to them. It’s not your job, you have other things to worry about. Listen to their opinions, and let them roll off you with ambivalence if need be but be graceful about it (see grace).
Adventure
Discover new ways, places, people and things. Discover adventure. Discover yourself and the world. Keep discovering, because when you stop learning, uncovering and adventuring – you’re dead.
Laugh.
Dance.
Drive.
Expectations
Let go of expectations. They have yet to serve you in any powerful way. You’re expectations as to outcomes and what you think you deserve could harm you more than help (see abundance). This year try hoping, wishing, and dreaming more. Remember when you are disappointed, or let down, it’s almost always a sign that you were expecting something. Try to discover what it was you were expecting, and see if in some way it was either; not for you to decide the outcome, or if you actually got what you needed but not necessarily what you wanted. Also remember, it is not your job to live up to other people’s expectations. You take care of yourself – let them handle their own disappointments.
Specificity
When you’re uncomfortable – it is because you lack specificity, you’re objective is not clear. Specificity is interesting. Generality is boring. You don’t like boring – so get specific. Don’t just love the color red… love the shade of red on a bing cherry in the early morning light of cache valley. When you search for Bliss, remember the minutia of all the tiny details make up the grandeur of the scene. Respect the details.
Stand
When you are being challenged, rise to the occasion. When you are being attacked, draw your sword. When you are being pushed, stand you ground. The difference between battle and war – is the difference between defense and offense. Do not make war. Battle when necessary. You want to be a warrior (see courage). Don’t go picking fights. Just know that it’s time for you to stop running away from them. It’s time to act.
ACT.
Salute the sun.
Pray to the moon.
Love.
Athena, the last year has brought you face to face with your worst fears. It has presented you with the biggest challenges you thought you could imagine. You were shoved off the height, and did a fight or flight maneuver that made everyone who thought they knew you sit up with surprise, and the people who actually knew you, well – they applauded. You did good!
Now do better.
I know you can. You surprised even me, because I was one of the ones who thought they knew you… Now that I know you can land on your feet – prove you can run. Prove you can run hard enough to lift off. Prove you can fly. I dare you. No, I double-triple-dog dare you. Do it.
ACT!!!
You sit here in Seattle, writing your first book. You never thought you’d be here, or do it, but ta-da. Now cast a web for the next year. What do you want to accomplish? Where does you compass point – what’s your heading. Chart it and go. You can’t lose unless you don’t try.
Read this as often as you need to. Then compare notes next year. I’m bubbling with curiosity as to where you’ll be when you write next year’s letter. What will you have done? Where will you have been? Who will you be? Surely you will be someone different, just like you are not the same woman now, as the girl who wrote last year’s letter. Who will you be then?
I have hopes of you being more independent. More compassionate. More in touch with the world around you. More joyful. More empowered. Come back in a year and let me take a look at you.
For now, have a fantastic birthday. Find a little hottie to take your spankings for you and you go finish your book then hit the world up for an adventure. I love you girly.
Happy Birthday – Love, Athena.
P.S.A few things to keep in mind about your moods swings. Less stimulants – sugar, caffeine and yes dairy turns out to be a stimulant for you. Remember to get rest and take your thyroid pills. Remember to make time for being social, especially when you find yourself pacing the floor or feel like crying for no reason. Take a drive or find trees when you feel frazzled.
And ACT.
And as to men – well, this year should be interesting. Try not to giggle so much, or run away. Hold your ground, make eye contact and check your braces for spinach. If he doesn’t bolt fist – well, try inviting him out for coffee. Just a thought. Check in next year and let me know how it goes.
And Athena, fall asleep in the grass every chance you get.
