05.14.08

90 days

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:11 am by Athena

90 days. Starting on the 19th of May, 2008 until the 16th of August. It’s a life re-org.

Some fundamental questions need to be answered about my life and I want to start it before my 30th birthday.

I never did post my 29th note to self, but I’ve been thinking about what I wrote last year, a lot. Especially with the 30th note to self fast approaching.

It’s been the plan to always write my year out in advance, to give myself pointers and to do an advanced pep-talk for any possible pitfalls.

Several things I think I’ve struggled with this last year are boundaries, intimacy and purpose.  

For those of you whom I haven’t blathered on to about my 30th – I should explain that I am SO EXCITED to turn 30.  I really am! It sounds unreal but I’ve been looking forward to 30 since I turned 27 and kept thinking, “only three more years.” And 28 “damnit, two more years.” And 29, “Thank God! Next year I’ll be 30!!”

I can’t really explain it. I’ve just made the correlation that with 30 comes the shedding of my childhood. Finally, I can let go of the ideas/fear/obligations of the rush to survive and the disorientation of being mentally and somewhat emotionally asleep. Somehow I have wired the thought to my consciousness that when I turn 30, I will be free of my Karmic obligations of youth so I can put my full attention and INTENTIONS on my greater purpose for this lifetime.

This doesn’t mean I’ll not have my inner child, on the contrary I will have her closer to me than ever before – but she will not require so much attention because I feel like I have reached the edge of where I needed to nurture my child Athena in an effort to provide the childhood she didn’t get. This last two years, I have been mothering her.

For the first time, since I can remember, I feel like I have finally had my childhood and I’m ready to venture into the world and embrace my path as a woman. As an adult. As a member of the human race with the power and capacity to make changes where the Universe thinks I will be most beneficial.

I finally feel like I have true and honest independence, because I have given closure to the pain of a stolen innocence.  I reclaimed her. I gave her love and freedom and nurturing and chocolate and hugs and room to play and adventure. Finally, she is satisfied and feels wholesome and protected. Finally, I can move forward and become a warrior because I will not have a needy and terrified abandoned child in me.

I have now, a path to walk that actually feels like a relief.  For the last several weeks as I’ve been processing I’ve come to see that with my inner child being healed I am coming in to a great deal of energy and power that has been being diverted to her for a long time. Now I feel the need to shed my baby fat, change the clothes I’ve worn for my “childhood” and slide into the body of a woman. A curvy, alabaster-skinned woman. I woman with a voice and hips that sway and arms that can hold a sword. I can, with a sigh of relief exhale and bring my spirit to full strength in a form that is feminine and mature and ready to engage with a man of similar awareness.

In this 90 days I plan to shed my childhood shape, and begin my birth into a new life of conscious actions and prepare myself to accept the call of the Universe, because finally, I am ready to answer it without a fight.

To celebrate my 30th and the continuation of the journey and the birthing of this new adventure I will be having a week long party. From the 3rd of August to the 10th that will include things such as Skydiving, beaches, parties and people I love.  So if you are interested or if you also want to use that week to celebrate your own evolutions, growth arcs, victories or passions… I encourage you to take the 90 day challenge with me and begin anew.

What about your life can you change or alter to provide a higher level of happiness and health in 90 days? What steps can you take to feel more whole?

Do you want me to help you pledge? If you want to write in I will update and have check-ins for the next 90 days and we can celebrate together in August.

You game?

05.13.08

Geeks to the rescue of my spirit

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:53 am by Athena

When I was hired here, part of my conversation with the Boss consisted of getting permission to stand Legolas in my office.  He was skeptical but agreed because I think he knew it would make me happier.

I work in a school of geeks, my kind of peeps. Everyone who knows me knows, I am a geek lover/champion/admirer.  I have my own level of geekery that I felt was expressed by having a 6’ cutout of Legolas stand behind me while conducting my appointments.

It didn’t take long in most appointments for the topic of Lord of the Rings to work its way in, which invariably led to Pirates of the Caribbean and then through some convoluted circumstances and segues led to discourse about Halo and other games. So it’s fairly well known here on campus that Athena is a gamer, a geek and not as “corporate” as the rest of them and perhaps therefore a little more approachable.  Many of my students come in just to talk, or banter or discuss new games.

Last Friday I was asked/told to take Legolas home. Evidently he is unprofessional, distracting and “people talk about him a lot”.

I wasn’t happy about it. AT. ALL. It felt like the Universe giving me yet one more sign – “pay attention!” “get the hell out before you are molded into a blank corporate icon of boring uncreative work ethics” “you are being wasted here.”

It felt like a warning and one I seriously took into consideration as I stood him up at home near the foot of my bed.

Yesterday a student came in. One of my favorites who comes to talk about games and his future as a game designer.

J: Something is different and I can’t put my finger on it….

I let it pass for a few minutes while his companion told me about how he is job hunting and the market is tougher than he thought.

J: Something is missing and I can’t figure out what it is….

I nodded.

Me: Olri is gone.

His mouth dropped open and he sat forward with alarm.

J: Did you to that or did they do that?

I smiled at the vagueness of they and said,

Me: They did.

J: Did you cry? You should have cried. I bet if you’d started crying they would have let you keep him.

Me: I cried, but I did it at home.

J: That was not a very smart thing they just did.

I grinned and thought, GOD! I love my students. My fellow geeks. My underappreciated nation of misfits. I love them.

The topic shifted again to his friend who is job hunting and as they were leaving I said,

Me: Hey, good luck on your job search.

J, turned around at the door and looked pointedly where Orli/ Legolas used to stand.

He smiled sadly, and said…

J: Hey, good luck on yours too.

Did I mention how much I love my students?

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